butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
