I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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