People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
bring money and cleavage
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
