I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
