What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
