best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
