We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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