My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
