You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
