Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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