im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
