Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
