Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
