she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
