do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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