i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I need water and some morals
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
