roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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