I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
