guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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