what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My liver just had a heart attack.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
