The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
