My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Blood and glitter go together right?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
