this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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