I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize