Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
