his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
