There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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