If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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