I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
