Apparently you make a good broom.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
