i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
