FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
