You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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