I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
