Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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