The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
