I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
