are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize