I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
