Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
