Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
