WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
