Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
