Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
