After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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