The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize