Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
