Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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