Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
