Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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