when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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