Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
