There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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