Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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