I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
