I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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