i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
