he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
