3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
