i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I supernannyed him into submission
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize