I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
