i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
