My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
