Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
