At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
