I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
