My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize