so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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