Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
