He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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