I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize