Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
