PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
