You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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