please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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